Believing the Lies

At times I tend to isolate myself and begin to believe the lies that the enemy so badly wants to use. The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. God has been very specific to me this past week.

What is God saying to you?

Here are the things that He has been telling me:

• Iam God and I am able


• God is waiting for me to come to Him


• His glory is so bright there is no need for the sun or the moon


• He can do anything through me


• I should not worry about pleasing man, but only please Him


• I have given you specifics on what to do, don't be afraid to do it


• It is not you doing my work, it is me doing it through you


• You do not have to be perfect


• You are capable of great things with me


• I will make you strong


• Enjoy my calling, don't be afraid of your weaknesses - that's where I {God} am made great


• You are capable of leading others


• You speak truth over others


• Your insight is from Me {God}


• You have gifts and talents that you are not using for me {God}


• I have bigger plans than you than you know or can imagine


• You have a gift to minister to women


• TRUST ME


• LOVE ME WITH ALL YOU HAVE


• LET me enough

Wow! I had been feeling very much like a failure lately, I have been allowing the lies from the enemy attack me. I felt unvalued, unwanted, unliked and overwhelmed with minor chores, let alone any calling I felt on me from the Mighty One. However, in the name of Jesus Christ I reclaimed that which the enemy is trying to take away. He wants to steal my self confidence in Christ, he wants to steal my faith in Him, he wants to kill my ability to move forward, and he wants to destroy the value I place on myself through Christ.

God has blessed me this week with supreme kinds words from others. I had the opportunity yesterday to participate in an exhortation during a class I was taking at my church. I so enjoy speaking God's truth over another person and just sensing and envisioning the evil one melting away and having to flee in the face of God's truth.

Many years ago I had asked God to reveal to me the reason Christ died for each person that I came in contact with. My desire was to love others as Christ loves them. God was gracious enough to fill me with that gift and lately I haven't been speaking those truths over those I meet. After yesterdays experience I know I need to live in that way - a way in which I share God's glory and the uniqueness of others with them.

My challenge to you is to speak words of affirmation over those you know and meet. Speak God's positive truth - build up - use your power tongue, you never know when the enemy is attacking someone in that way. Speak love and encouragement overing someone might reveal God's truth in their life.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength!

In Christ,

Sandra Carter

What ever happened to mourning?

Mourning is, in the simplest terms, intense sorrow over the loss of something or someone. Mourning is expressed over and over again in the Bible. It is usually related to the death of a person, but it can be related to the death of a hope or a dream.

How we handle the mourning process seems to be very important to our mental and spiritual welfare. Many times in the Bible mourning was expressed by wailing loudly and bitterly, weeping, tearing clothes, putting on ashes and sackcloth, and fasting this is from Esther 4. Then in Isaiah 15 there is weeping, wailing, heads shaved, beards cut off, wearing sackcloth and laying face down weeping. During these times the oppressed were being destroyed, killed and annihilated. They were ruined, and destroyed.

Much like we are today. Our life is going really well, we have our hopes and dreams and then all of a sudden devastation hits. Our hope for the future has been stolen, destroyed, killed and annihilated. That is why the evil one has come (John 10:10). If we don’t mourn through the One who gives life, then we are putting up a barrier. We are saying to God, “I trusted you, it was at my fingertips and you ripped it from my life. If being with you hurts this much, then I will do things on my own.” We don’t mourn, we hold onto our devastation and we try to move forward all the while taking steps backward.

Our society says if it doesn’t feel good then don’t do it. Mourning most certainly doesn’t feel good at the time. Our society says if it makes you have a warm fuzzy feeling then your inner spirit is releasing you to do that. That is a lie. It steals our need for a savior. We believe we can do it all on our own. It destroys our inner peace, and it annihilates us from moving forward with the Mighty One. We start to believe we are in control and in charge, we believe we are the savior. We might not voice that, but we sure do live that way.

Mourning helps us express our angry and fear in a righteous manner, a manner in which leads us deeper into God’s presence, not navigating us away from God’s presence. What if, we start mourning in a righteous way? What if we wail, weep, fast, cry out to God in our anger and fear and then He gives us the peace that passes all understanding and heals our wounds and makes us better for it? What if?

Mourn, mourn like you are a believer in the one who SAVES! Mourn like you need a Savior! Mourn to bring yourself closer into the presence of the Lord. In His name!

Who is Jesus as I live my redeemed life?

Today in my Bible reading I read a verse that I have read many times, but for some reason today's revelation was more intimate for me.

Isaiah 9:6
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God,
Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.

The Lord God Almighty has give us a child, a son directly from Him, this son will rule over us with authority from the ultimate authority {GOD}, the Son {Jesus} will influence us, guide us, he will hold us in check. Jesus serves as the law for us, we are to regularly accompany him and utilize him. This is all through him governing over us. This is what is on his shoulders, his purpose.

From our mouths we will call him Wonderful Counselor, which means we will say he is great, excellent and marvelous to provide us truth and sound advice regarding decisions or help we need in our life.

We will call him Mighty God, he has superior power and strength on earth and in the spiritual realm, he has this power everywhere. Imagine what our individual life would look like if we lived every moment as this were true. He is of great size, he is enormous. He is exceptional, huge, He is of importance.

God has established him as an Everlasting Father, there is no end to him. He is incessant; he is constantly recurring. He never gets wearisome or tired of interceding for you. He is always there on your behalf. He is lasting, he endures, he is permanent. He does not last for a moment, nor is he brief, nor is he short lived or temporary. He is ETERNAL.

We will call out come close Prince of Peace. He is the sovereign one who dwells in and supplies us with peace. He is noble, he has authority, he is a ruler. He is admirably fine and he has genial characteristics. He is favorable in life, favorable with our growth and our comfort. He is a genius. The peace he offers is He is our treaty between God and our sins. Through him we have harmony with God. In him and through him we can live a life of nonbelligerency, not living as if we are at war. In him we can be untroubled, tranquil and content.

Who knew that from the words; Son, Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace that Jesus was all that and more?

Hiding our Sin

Proverbs 28:13 (NIV)
He who conceals his sin does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Wow! What an amazing verse for me this morning ~

CONCEALS
We all sin, we work really hard at hiding our sins from other people and at times we lie to ourselves by mentally convincing ourselves that this sin is no concern to God.

CONFESSES
Instead of spending all that time, energy, worry and anxiety toward hiding the sin, we have another option - what if, we spent some time with God and admitting the sin. Speaking the truth about the sin and searching for how this specific offense is diminishing the will of God in our lives. From my own experience, our hearts would begin to soften and our mind would begin to transform into rest ~ a place where not needing to know the future exist, only resting His presence becomes the priority.

RENOUNCES
Stepping up and going deeper, don't be afraid - no weapon formed against you can stand. Take a bold stand, right now - this moment - totally refusing to allow this sin to be a part of your life. Refuse to take part in it, refuse to allow it to attach it's self to your feelings and emotions, refuse to lean into the thoughts of it. What God has said is TRUE.

Let us, you and me, give God the position He deserves in our life. To be the Ruler of all of our feelings and emotions, our lies, our total sins.

While you were reading this did God bring something to your mind that you are concealing? Something you are working so hard for others to not find out? It may be as small as a white lie or as big as big can be. God can handle it.

FINDS MERCY
Stop right now, wherever you are and Seek God ~ Listen for Him ~ Obey Him.

It is evident from scripture that God would show up with His unmatched compassion, His incomparable kindness and show us His undeserved favor.

May 2009

Good morning my dear friends,

May is so busy! I am so overwhelmed with my schedule. Yet yesterday, Mother's Day, I was so relaxed and had a true day of rest. I enjoyed the day so much.

I have been doing quite a few things since my last BLOG. I have started attending a local Christian Writer's group here in town. I am enjoying it so much! I was also able to attend a Christian Writer's Conference in Orlando and for the past 5 weeks I have been teaching Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed at our church on Thursday mornings, not to mention my two little girls both had birthday over the past two weeks ~ and for most of us the school year is ending and one party or event after another. Oh Yeah! Jim and I are also teaching a parenting class at our church one night a week. Needless to say my schedule has been packed, but in two short weeks it will be totally empty for the summer. Well, not totally, but definitely not so scheduled. I am not complaining, just coming up for a breath of fresh air this morning and enjoying a cup of coffee while I type this. My mind always wonders who is reading this and what are they thinking ~

Courtney had some major testing for her pituitary gland three weeks ago and no results from the doctor yet, I haven't stressed over it - they told me two weeks. This week I am going to start calling and firmly request answers.

There are a few things God has been sharing with me over the past few weeks and I thought I would pass those along to see if any of you could put them to good use for yourselves.

• Seek Him, Listen to and for Him, and obey Him! In all things ~ I am working on creating a Bible study based on our spiritual, mental, emotional and physical conditions and how all those areas make us who we are and who all those areas are connected to God. I think we tend to put things in different compartments - this is a mental issue, this is a emotional issue, etc. What if all these issues are Spiritual, just in a sub-category of mental, emotional and physical. The way I just described it doesn't sound fun in this paragraph, but it is! See - I need to learn how to write better...
  
• Through the adventures of the website and teaching on Thursday mornings ~ God has had me share some personal things that I found myself asking Him if I could not share with others. My reasons for wanting to keep my life stories a secret were all wrapped around my selfish pride. It was about me and then He gently reminded that He is the one who gets the glory, not me - so I shared (obeyed). He was glorified in my weakness.
  
• God has made it clear that in my service in ministry, I am to always direct women back to His Word. I desperately don't want to make followers of Sandra. I want to encourage women to yearn for the most intimate relationship with Him that they can get. One of my desires is that each woman I come in contact with; be able to feel and know the grace of Jesus Christ, see the love God has for them and enjoy experiencing the fellowship with the Holy Spirit. I want to develop followers of Christ. My responsibility is to always direct women back to God's Word and what He is saying to them, not what I am saying to them.
• I am also suppose to be a student of learning the craft of writing. Like a sponge soaking up as much as I can, because at some point in the future I will need that talent. I am to be humble and patient.
  
• For Mother's Day I was suppose to write my mother a personal letter ~ I haven't finished it yet -- our relationship is strained and the Mother's Day cards from Hallmark just don't fit our relationship. But God has a plan for her life and I am suppose to write her a letter that is TRUTH and LOVE. Still working on that - I must finish it by Wednesday -- my personal new goal - I think God wanted me to have it done for Mother's Day. I haven't obeyed yet...
  
• Pray for my temptations ~ over and over again anytime someone in the Bible was tempted the next word is almost always - PRAY. On my weight-loss journey with my wonderful husband, my prayer is that once we are off the prescribed diet that I don't fall back into the trap of eating for comfort - I keep myself busy with activities like reading my Bible, Crafts and lots of fun stuff. I so don't want to go back to feeling alone and unwanted and eat to feel comforted. I have lost 35.4 pounds since Feb. 2009! My husband has lost a total of 86 pounds since August with a two month holiday break at Thanksgiving and Christmas. He is almost to his goal weight (within 10 pounds) and I have about 12 more to go. We have learned that this diet is a lifestyle and that we are not to return to our old way of eating.
  

Through this Bible study, Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed God has made a few things clear - I have had Tragedy and He has saved me - my instant response was not one of choosing to work through the tragedy with Him - Initially, I wanted to be mad at God and work through it on my own, because God hurt me. I have turned, repented, mourned, cried, whaled, fasted and sought Him on my past tragedy and He has come to my rescue. My Redeemer! A lot of this is going to be in my online summer study, so I won't give the whole study away right now!!

I could go on and on today, but I want to update the website, finish my Bible study for the week and do some study time in the Word. I would love a weekend away to write - but finances don't permit me going away and staying somewhere and I am not going to go camping by myself. I am not a camping kinda girl either. So, I should probably better manage my personal time ~ and enjoy the stage of life I am in. God will take care of everything!

I hope my journey this month has encouraged you -
Love,
Sandra

Welcome to Spring

Every spring I am reminded of new beginnings. All the old, brown and dull of winter begins to beam with vibrant colors. The trees and grass are greener, flowers are budding and Easter is just around the corner.

I love seeing all the bright colors, especially the spring clothes.This weekend I am going through my little girls clothes and heading to the resale store tomorrow. Buying new clothes just isn't in our budget this year, but God always supplies exactly what we need. My weight loss is going great ~ it's not easy. I have lost a total of 25 pounds and my wonderful husband has lost a total of 78 pounds. It has been easier loosing weight together, as a couple.

I am working on my Bible Study class for Thursday. I am facilitating for this session - Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed by Priscilla Shrier, Beth Moore and Kay Arthur. One of the things I wanted to share with the class was the items that were placed in the ark of the covenant. The question posed by the leader's guide was - What would you put in your personal ark? What things would you put in a safe place that represents your personal relationship with God? I have been praying about it and mulling it over for three days now. God has given me several ideas - which I will share next week after the class.

It is raining here in Valrico, Florida today. A much needed rain as we are in a drought. In Tampa city limits, there is a no watering restriction. I saw a new company on the news last week, this guy had started a lawn painting business. For those homes in restricted communities who get fined if their lawns turn brown - this guy might be a need. He comes to your house and paints your brown, dormant grass a beautiful, healthy green. Now that's inventive in this economy. I wonder if he owned a lawn cutting service before this?

I can't stop thinking of painting dormant grass. That struck me in such an odd way - that example has represented my life at times. Taking what was brown, ugly, hard, brittle, and dry and painting over it just hid what was underneath, instead of nurturing it. Not to say the painted grass is not a good remedy for those folks in Tampa who can't water - just saying it is temporary.

When I think of the characteristics of the painted grass, several things come to mind:

• Beautiful to look at
• Fake in reality
• Flawed because it wasn't lush
• Inactive because it was just there, not growing
  
• Hard and Brittle because it had no water
• Temporary because eventually it would rain, grow and get pruned or no rain would result in the grass dying

Beautiful earthly things rarely have the words "Don't look underneath! If you do it's gonna cost you time and energy!" posted on them. They look beautiful to the eye, because you can't see what's underneath. I feel like I have looked pretty in personality and presentation, all the while, underneath wondering if anyone really liked me, was I smart enough, pretty enough, witty enough, or good enough. Wondering if anyone could see the pain, and the distress underneath.

Fake is not a word I like, nor is it a word that I desire to be defined by. Authentic is my favorite word in the dictionary. That is one of the reasons I love the Lord and His Word so much. He is real. He is authentic. He is truth. One of the things that God has gifted me with is sharing authentically what is going on in my life in order to encourage other women. I know when it comes from Him it is not fake.

I am flawed in many ways. I could fill this whole blog with the details of my flaws, but after a while it would bore you and you might start to think I'm and idiot. I am so thankful that through Jesus Christ, God sees me as clean and flawless.

There have been times in my life where I have been dormant. Inactive in my relationship with my Savior. I was stagnant, not growing - not being still and knowing that God was God. I wasn't taking action in my relationship. How do you get to know someone new? You spend time with them, time doing the things they like. You talk to them, you consider what they desire. To an extent you want to please your new friend.

Too many times I haven't met God through prayer, I haven't read His Word or sought to please Him. I was just being. That is no life, just being. Have you ever seen someone just be? They have no hope, no energy, no future. God has a plan for each person's life, He has plans to prosper you, to protect you from harm, plans to give you a hope and a future. I am at my best when I am seeking my God daily. Basking in the grace of Jesus Christ, being loved by God and in fellowship with the Holy Spirit. Now that is active!

I notice when I become hard and brittle that I tend to be self focused. I tend to take and take and never let up. I don't rejuvenate myself through being filled. God tells us He is the living water. We need that water to survive.

I also recognize that this painted grass state is temporary. What belongs to God is God's. Now, that is not to say that I won't fail at times - and sin. But it is to say that I recognize I need a Savior, I confess, I return to my Jesus and say I'm sorry, ask for forgiveness and repent.

It's like the sprinklers are on for days after that. I grow and the dead, fake painted tips of my blades of grass are cut off. I learn and am growing toward my God. My roots are a little deeper and my blades of grass become like carpet to the feet of those whom I care for. They are more beautiful than ever. They are real and lush. I am actively growing, and not afraid of what's underneath, because my source of growth is not flawed. It is God.

Creating a Legacy

The Carter Family Ten Commandments

1. We will follow God.
2. We will love, encourage, support, and care for each other.
3. We will obey, respect, and honor our parents.
4. We will protect the Carter name.
5. We will not lie.
6. We will be open, and communicate with each other.
7. We will show love and compassion to each another.
8. We will be a reflection of Christ.
9. We will be hard workers and do our best at all times.
10. We will be a family that prays.

We did a family devotion one night and my husband came up with this idea that we need the Carter Family Commandments. We asked our children to tell us what were some things that they thought God wanted us to do as Christians. Our middle daughter asked, "What does being a Christian mean?" We explained that it meant believing that Jesus was God's Son and that he died, but now He is alive and living in heaven with God. {Five year terms} She said, "Oh!", then she goes through our whole families names and says we are all Christians.

They told us things like being nice to each other. Not talking mean to each other. No hitting each other. No lying. No taking things that don't belong to you. The list just keep going on and on ~ you could imagine with a 17 year old, 5 year old and a 4 year old the conversations were running wild.

I wrote all of them down and then we talked about why God didn't want us to do those things. And that's how we came up with the Carter Ten Commandments. We placed every thing they thought God wanted us to do and everything they thought God didn't want us to do in a category. That's how our whole family participated.

Good Morning Ladies

Another month here already. The Newsletter has went out to you by now and hopefully you have had a chance to look through it. My prayer is that in someway it was helpful to you. I received several emails loaded with encouragement - I so enjoy getting your feedback and the ideas that are prompted when you read the newsletter.

In June we will be doing an online study about your mental closet! That is very exciting for me as I am preparing for the study. In April I will start the final process of putting the weeks in order.

Tomorrow, I hope to post The Carter Family Ten Commandments that I talked about in the Newsletter. I will also give the questions we used to ask our children for their participation. It was pretty neat to see their responses - I think you enjoy your childrens answers.

I also weighed today and my total weigh loss is 17 pounds! I have struggled this week - it's that pre-unwanted week of the month for me... The older I get the harder that week seems.

In one hour I am off to take two sick kids to the doctor ~ I haven't even showered yet! I have to go!

In Christ,
Sandra Carter

Checking in today -

Went to the doctor and I had lost 14 pounds total!
It isn't easy -

Weigh in day! I lost 4 more pounds......

Sandra

My Babies are Growing Up

My five year old is going to her first "going home with someone after school" day. I can't believe my Courtney is five years old. She going to be six in April.

Since Courtney has cerebral palsy I noticed her leaving was different. The mom's house she was going to asked a lot of questions, which I thought was so thoughtful. I am worried about her already thinking of her falling down or getting hurt or trying to do something she physically can't do. She's been gone 26 minutes.

God has her in His hands and He will be with her. No matter how big she gets - any of my girls, they will always be my babies!

Sandra

My Journey on Weight

I forgot to weigh yesterday!
I lost 5.3 pounds this week!
YEAH!

Hang in there ladies every morning is a new beginning!

Being a Published Writer

I have been trying for several months now to get some of my devotions published. I have submitted different ones all over the place. I have been rejected and encouraged by several editors. I have also been told ~ to keep waiting.

Today I received word that two of my submissions will be published in a fall/winter publication! How exciting!

I will let you know the specific details as the time draws closer! I am so excited!!!!

I am still going to keep plugging along to get more published!!! The more I submit the more likely they will get published. It takes 10 no-s to get one yes, or so they say.
Buy the way, who are they?

My writings are just true stories about what God has done in my life!
I love God so much and hope to encourage others through sharing them. And I bet God doesn't do the 10 no-s to one yes thing....

Love,
Sandra

God Loves You!

This month is the month of LOVE in the United States. My husband proposed to me on Valentine's Day in 1990! It's a romantic story ~ I'll share it sometime in the BLOG. Don't you hate that, someone starts to tell you something and then jumps to a whole new subject...

The whole theme for the website this month is LOVE, so what better place to start than God's Word. As I look through the Bible I find a very specific and direct definition for love.

Here is what I found:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

This answer come from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a. Precious one, God is love. He loves you! He is patient with you, He is kind to you. God does not envy you ~ He does desire your heart. He does not boast that you are unworthy on your own to be with Him, He provided Jesus - He is no too proud to invite you into His family. He is not rude to you, He knocks on the door for you to invite Him in, He doesn't burst down the door and demand your love. He is definitely not easily angered. Once we repent through Jesus, He allows us to be washed as white as snow. He does not delight in the ways of Satan, He is TRUTH. God protects you, you can always trust Him. He provides hope, He never gives up on you. He will never fail you!

Now, my sweet wonderful women of God. These statements are true. They came directly from His Word. They are backed up in every pebble we glean from scripture. Live like you know it! You are loved and you are so precious to Him. This Valentine's Day enjoy TRUE love from the One who created it!

Unconfessed Sins

Okay Friends,

I have been carrying around this little notebook for a few days and I can not begin to tell you the burdens that have been lifted. I have asked my husband, at the end of the week, to pray with me to ask God officially to forgive me for those unconfessed sins. My husband won't be reading the list, but I know he is the main person in my life that truly wants the best for me.

My mind has been so clear, so focused on God. It is a great place to be.

Love,
Sandra

Weigh In Day - Week Two

Well, Today was Weigh In Day!
I did horrible this week ~ I gained two pounds.
So, I still get to keep my three pounds out of the five I lost last week!
I am back on track as of yesterday!

Releasing the Past

This morning was particularly hard for me. I know the right things to do, but don't do them. I haven't done well Monday through Wednesday of this week with being healthy.

Anyway, after my journaling, prayer time and Bible reading this morning -- I went to my bedroom and got on my knees and just started to pray - it was a simple prayer, "Lord, make my mind clean!" I repeated it over and over with no emotion or attachment. I stayed in that position and kept repeating - Lord, make my mind clean.

All of a sudden I started to cry, then that turned into sobbing. I am reading Lord, I want to be whole, by Stormie Omartian - just started it. The first step is Releasing the Past. I won't go into the whole book, but basically I decided to do what the author did in the first chapter.

1. Write down all my past un-confessed sins - pray for God to reveal those to me {take about a week to do this}
2. Fast and Pray for God to deliver me from them ~ to not let me be in bondage with them, ask others who have my best interest at heart to pray for me at the end of the week.

Now, you will have to read the book to get more detail. I am not explaining the whole thing up to this point. But, basically I have been forgiven for those sins because of Jesus Christ death on the cross ~ But I have lived right in the middle of the things from which God has liberated me from. The bondage that accompanies each sin must have a point of severance through confession. Whatever I confess before God will release (clean) me from the bondage that accompanies it.

Now as for the fasting and praying ~ I so desire to deny myself and place God at the center of my life, which absolutely breaks any stronghold Satan has on me and destroys the bondage resulting from sin.

One of her examples in the book of un-confessed sin was like carrying around heavy bags of garbage. The heavier they get, the weaker I become - until I am crippled under the weight of it all.

I sat down and wrote three mini note book pages and am still going ~ all throughout the day God has brought un-confessed sins to my mind and I write them down.

Pray and ask God if this is something that could help you - get the book Lord, I want to be whole and let me know how it goes.

In Christ,
Sandra

LIVE Online Bible Study

I just had the first Live Online Bible Study. It was me and two others. We had a great time. I am looking so forward to doing it again next Monday.

Hope you can join us!

Sandra

New Technology

Hello Ladies,
I have just discovered Facebook. It is so cool. I have found friends I haven't made contact with in years. You should check it out!
Sandra

Weigh In Day

Hello Ladies,

Today was weigh in day! I did not do as good as I could have this week. Here it is -- are you ready? I lost 5 pounds! Yeah Me!

This has been a week of encouragement straight from God. He has used so many of you to personally email, call or contact me in some way. I can not tell you how touched I have been to hear your stories this week. Many of shared your personal struggles with me, some was food and some was other things.

Thank you so much for sharing with me. It does give me comfort that I am not alone and neither are you!

I am having mental struggles this week not turning to food - I have prayed more this week and leaned on God's Word to get me through some tough moments. I can't wait for our Live Bible Study time on Monday -

I have no idea how many of you will join in, but I am so excited.

In Jesus Name,
Sandra

Taking a Sneak Peak

Well, I got on the scales this morning. I have lost 2 pounds. Yeah Me! My official weigh in day Friday. My prayer is that this Sneak Peak is a positive sign for me loosing weight this year!

Courtney informed me this morning that -- she told her kindergarten teacher that she did not want helpers anymore, unless she needs one - she will ask. Her wonderful teacher - which I do love her to death - had provided her with two students each day to help her carry her lunch, walk from place to place, etc. So, maybe we are also seeing a Sneak Peak into Courtney's future of wanting to do things for her self. That would be a great attitude for a child with Cerebral Palsy to have. I pray for that constantly.

Today is my Kelli's 17th birthday! She ate cake for breakfast. We always do that on their birthdays. We talked yesterday and I have this picture of her being a tremendous woman of God. She is so lovely to look at ~ her spirit inside her radiates the love she has for God. Her passion is missions in Africa. It will hurt me for her to go there, but if that is where God wants her ~ I will support it. I love her so much ~

Yesterday ~ I do not think I can count the number of times Sarah told me how cute I was and that she wished she was me. She kept saying I was a great mommy and so cute. She kissed me and huged me all day long. How special is that. She loves me and sees me as the mommy I want to be. It made me feel so special. She is our praise girl - she showers out encouragement and praise to everyone in our whole family. She is so special. I told her I would love to be her.

Then another thing that happened yesterday as I was preparing for the online study session (on www.realliferealhope.com - Monday at 9am and 7pm), I found this amazing song. When I first listened to it I felt like it was God speaking to me, so I listened over and over and then I began praying the words for my daughters. That they would never feel alone and know that God is there with them first and then their sisters and parents. If you want the lyrics, just google Jim Brickman and the song title Never Alone and you will find them. They are awesome.

Click here to check out the song on You Tube Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNK4Alwbsw

Hopefully this is a Sneak Peak into the future for my girls.

I am so thankful for my Sneak Peaks yesterday ~ they gave me hope. Thank you, Father!

Love,
Sandra

Good Morning

Well, Thursday, January 1, 2009 has come and gone and I have been on my New Adventure now for almost five days. I have done pretty good - stayed within the requirements of my new eating plan. I'm grouchy - just ask my family. I wanted chocolate last night so I made those oatmeal no bake cookies. I had two, it was just the right thing and it fit into my eating for the day.

I am sitting here this morning getting ready to go outside to the Lani and get on my knees to pray and ask God to deliver me from some negative feelings I am having. I am too focused on my problems and not focused enough on Him.

I was writing an article this weekend for the Cerebral Palsy Magazine (not sure if it will get published) and it hit me when I first had that horrible depressed feeling that I deal with on occasion. It was when we were sitting in the Neurologist office when Courtney was 18 months old and he told us Courtney had CP. Right after that he stated that only 13% of CP patients go on to college. My mind was racing with questions, but my mouth would not open. I will never forget that unknown future that was in my mind. It was awful.

I think that was the first moment when I felt covered by darkness. As I write this - I think my hope was taken away at that moment. Satan got a foothold that I have tried to shake on my own. Now it is time to let this be God's battle, not mine. Courtney is fine and will go to college. She is extremely smart and her CP is very mild compared to most.

I wonder if at that moment I let that doubt - that "This is it." - this is as good as it gets - be that horrible emotion for me. I have battled that darkness ever since. I can't explain it - God has been so good to me. At first I took depression medication and still continued to struggled. God clearly told me that I was to stop taking the medication...that for me, it was a spiritual issue. I had turned from God to deal with Courtney's CP on my own and not turned into Him. That was about a year ago. I have been medication free now for about a year.

Now, that is not to say that medication is not required for others. My personal thoughts on this is that if you are not functioning for God or your family then maybe a short term medication is needed for situational depression. Then in other instances mental illness runs in families - in that case, medication is required.

All this to say that my overeating runs deeper than just my love for food. I have emotions and feelings to deal with. Direct lies from the enemy creep in and God's Word sniffs them out like a cool breeze, once I stop trying to fight the battle alone. Today I am waiting on a specific Word from God. Not sure how long I will be out on the Lani, but if the word does not come today - then tomorrow I will be out there on bended knee again asking for the same thing - the kids are still home today too!

My heart is in love with the Savior of the World! My soul rejoices in His majesty!
Sandra