Good Morning

Well, Thursday, January 1, 2009 has come and gone and I have been on my New Adventure now for almost five days. I have done pretty good - stayed within the requirements of my new eating plan. I'm grouchy - just ask my family. I wanted chocolate last night so I made those oatmeal no bake cookies. I had two, it was just the right thing and it fit into my eating for the day.

I am sitting here this morning getting ready to go outside to the Lani and get on my knees to pray and ask God to deliver me from some negative feelings I am having. I am too focused on my problems and not focused enough on Him.

I was writing an article this weekend for the Cerebral Palsy Magazine (not sure if it will get published) and it hit me when I first had that horrible depressed feeling that I deal with on occasion. It was when we were sitting in the Neurologist office when Courtney was 18 months old and he told us Courtney had CP. Right after that he stated that only 13% of CP patients go on to college. My mind was racing with questions, but my mouth would not open. I will never forget that unknown future that was in my mind. It was awful.

I think that was the first moment when I felt covered by darkness. As I write this - I think my hope was taken away at that moment. Satan got a foothold that I have tried to shake on my own. Now it is time to let this be God's battle, not mine. Courtney is fine and will go to college. She is extremely smart and her CP is very mild compared to most.

I wonder if at that moment I let that doubt - that "This is it." - this is as good as it gets - be that horrible emotion for me. I have battled that darkness ever since. I can't explain it - God has been so good to me. At first I took depression medication and still continued to struggled. God clearly told me that I was to stop taking the medication...that for me, it was a spiritual issue. I had turned from God to deal with Courtney's CP on my own and not turned into Him. That was about a year ago. I have been medication free now for about a year.

Now, that is not to say that medication is not required for others. My personal thoughts on this is that if you are not functioning for God or your family then maybe a short term medication is needed for situational depression. Then in other instances mental illness runs in families - in that case, medication is required.

All this to say that my overeating runs deeper than just my love for food. I have emotions and feelings to deal with. Direct lies from the enemy creep in and God's Word sniffs them out like a cool breeze, once I stop trying to fight the battle alone. Today I am waiting on a specific Word from God. Not sure how long I will be out on the Lani, but if the word does not come today - then tomorrow I will be out there on bended knee again asking for the same thing - the kids are still home today too!

My heart is in love with the Savior of the World! My soul rejoices in His majesty!
Sandra