Unconfessed Sins

Okay Friends,

I have been carrying around this little notebook for a few days and I can not begin to tell you the burdens that have been lifted. I have asked my husband, at the end of the week, to pray with me to ask God officially to forgive me for those unconfessed sins. My husband won't be reading the list, but I know he is the main person in my life that truly wants the best for me.

My mind has been so clear, so focused on God. It is a great place to be.

Love,
Sandra

Weigh In Day - Week Two

Well, Today was Weigh In Day!
I did horrible this week ~ I gained two pounds.
So, I still get to keep my three pounds out of the five I lost last week!
I am back on track as of yesterday!

Releasing the Past

This morning was particularly hard for me. I know the right things to do, but don't do them. I haven't done well Monday through Wednesday of this week with being healthy.

Anyway, after my journaling, prayer time and Bible reading this morning -- I went to my bedroom and got on my knees and just started to pray - it was a simple prayer, "Lord, make my mind clean!" I repeated it over and over with no emotion or attachment. I stayed in that position and kept repeating - Lord, make my mind clean.

All of a sudden I started to cry, then that turned into sobbing. I am reading Lord, I want to be whole, by Stormie Omartian - just started it. The first step is Releasing the Past. I won't go into the whole book, but basically I decided to do what the author did in the first chapter.

1. Write down all my past un-confessed sins - pray for God to reveal those to me {take about a week to do this}
2. Fast and Pray for God to deliver me from them ~ to not let me be in bondage with them, ask others who have my best interest at heart to pray for me at the end of the week.

Now, you will have to read the book to get more detail. I am not explaining the whole thing up to this point. But, basically I have been forgiven for those sins because of Jesus Christ death on the cross ~ But I have lived right in the middle of the things from which God has liberated me from. The bondage that accompanies each sin must have a point of severance through confession. Whatever I confess before God will release (clean) me from the bondage that accompanies it.

Now as for the fasting and praying ~ I so desire to deny myself and place God at the center of my life, which absolutely breaks any stronghold Satan has on me and destroys the bondage resulting from sin.

One of her examples in the book of un-confessed sin was like carrying around heavy bags of garbage. The heavier they get, the weaker I become - until I am crippled under the weight of it all.

I sat down and wrote three mini note book pages and am still going ~ all throughout the day God has brought un-confessed sins to my mind and I write them down.

Pray and ask God if this is something that could help you - get the book Lord, I want to be whole and let me know how it goes.

In Christ,
Sandra

LIVE Online Bible Study

I just had the first Live Online Bible Study. It was me and two others. We had a great time. I am looking so forward to doing it again next Monday.

Hope you can join us!

Sandra

New Technology

Hello Ladies,
I have just discovered Facebook. It is so cool. I have found friends I haven't made contact with in years. You should check it out!
Sandra

Weigh In Day

Hello Ladies,

Today was weigh in day! I did not do as good as I could have this week. Here it is -- are you ready? I lost 5 pounds! Yeah Me!

This has been a week of encouragement straight from God. He has used so many of you to personally email, call or contact me in some way. I can not tell you how touched I have been to hear your stories this week. Many of shared your personal struggles with me, some was food and some was other things.

Thank you so much for sharing with me. It does give me comfort that I am not alone and neither are you!

I am having mental struggles this week not turning to food - I have prayed more this week and leaned on God's Word to get me through some tough moments. I can't wait for our Live Bible Study time on Monday -

I have no idea how many of you will join in, but I am so excited.

In Jesus Name,
Sandra

Taking a Sneak Peak

Well, I got on the scales this morning. I have lost 2 pounds. Yeah Me! My official weigh in day Friday. My prayer is that this Sneak Peak is a positive sign for me loosing weight this year!

Courtney informed me this morning that -- she told her kindergarten teacher that she did not want helpers anymore, unless she needs one - she will ask. Her wonderful teacher - which I do love her to death - had provided her with two students each day to help her carry her lunch, walk from place to place, etc. So, maybe we are also seeing a Sneak Peak into Courtney's future of wanting to do things for her self. That would be a great attitude for a child with Cerebral Palsy to have. I pray for that constantly.

Today is my Kelli's 17th birthday! She ate cake for breakfast. We always do that on their birthdays. We talked yesterday and I have this picture of her being a tremendous woman of God. She is so lovely to look at ~ her spirit inside her radiates the love she has for God. Her passion is missions in Africa. It will hurt me for her to go there, but if that is where God wants her ~ I will support it. I love her so much ~

Yesterday ~ I do not think I can count the number of times Sarah told me how cute I was and that she wished she was me. She kept saying I was a great mommy and so cute. She kissed me and huged me all day long. How special is that. She loves me and sees me as the mommy I want to be. It made me feel so special. She is our praise girl - she showers out encouragement and praise to everyone in our whole family. She is so special. I told her I would love to be her.

Then another thing that happened yesterday as I was preparing for the online study session (on www.realliferealhope.com - Monday at 9am and 7pm), I found this amazing song. When I first listened to it I felt like it was God speaking to me, so I listened over and over and then I began praying the words for my daughters. That they would never feel alone and know that God is there with them first and then their sisters and parents. If you want the lyrics, just google Jim Brickman and the song title Never Alone and you will find them. They are awesome.

Click here to check out the song on You Tube Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNK4Alwbsw

Hopefully this is a Sneak Peak into the future for my girls.

I am so thankful for my Sneak Peaks yesterday ~ they gave me hope. Thank you, Father!

Love,
Sandra

Good Morning

Well, Thursday, January 1, 2009 has come and gone and I have been on my New Adventure now for almost five days. I have done pretty good - stayed within the requirements of my new eating plan. I'm grouchy - just ask my family. I wanted chocolate last night so I made those oatmeal no bake cookies. I had two, it was just the right thing and it fit into my eating for the day.

I am sitting here this morning getting ready to go outside to the Lani and get on my knees to pray and ask God to deliver me from some negative feelings I am having. I am too focused on my problems and not focused enough on Him.

I was writing an article this weekend for the Cerebral Palsy Magazine (not sure if it will get published) and it hit me when I first had that horrible depressed feeling that I deal with on occasion. It was when we were sitting in the Neurologist office when Courtney was 18 months old and he told us Courtney had CP. Right after that he stated that only 13% of CP patients go on to college. My mind was racing with questions, but my mouth would not open. I will never forget that unknown future that was in my mind. It was awful.

I think that was the first moment when I felt covered by darkness. As I write this - I think my hope was taken away at that moment. Satan got a foothold that I have tried to shake on my own. Now it is time to let this be God's battle, not mine. Courtney is fine and will go to college. She is extremely smart and her CP is very mild compared to most.

I wonder if at that moment I let that doubt - that "This is it." - this is as good as it gets - be that horrible emotion for me. I have battled that darkness ever since. I can't explain it - God has been so good to me. At first I took depression medication and still continued to struggled. God clearly told me that I was to stop taking the medication...that for me, it was a spiritual issue. I had turned from God to deal with Courtney's CP on my own and not turned into Him. That was about a year ago. I have been medication free now for about a year.

Now, that is not to say that medication is not required for others. My personal thoughts on this is that if you are not functioning for God or your family then maybe a short term medication is needed for situational depression. Then in other instances mental illness runs in families - in that case, medication is required.

All this to say that my overeating runs deeper than just my love for food. I have emotions and feelings to deal with. Direct lies from the enemy creep in and God's Word sniffs them out like a cool breeze, once I stop trying to fight the battle alone. Today I am waiting on a specific Word from God. Not sure how long I will be out on the Lani, but if the word does not come today - then tomorrow I will be out there on bended knee again asking for the same thing - the kids are still home today too!

My heart is in love with the Savior of the World! My soul rejoices in His majesty!
Sandra